A woman whose husband and daughter were killed in a horror speedboat crash has told of her constant "stabbing pain in my heart", more than two years after the devastating tragedy.
Victoria Milligan made the emotional comment as she gave her first in-depth interview over the events which robbed her of her two precious family members and left her and two of her three surviving children with life-changing injuries.
Speaking to the Daily Mail she said: "I don't even know what 'myself' is any more. I don't have a 'me'."
Her daughter Emily, 8, and husband Nick,51, died when the family were thrown overboard in the picturesque Camel Estuary, Cornwall on May Bank Holiday 2013.
They suffered terrible injuries as the out-of-control boat circled over them at high speed.
Victoria, 43, lost her left leg, Kit,7, required 12 operations to save his, while Amber,17, was left with scars on her left thigh and hand.
Only Olivia, 12, survived unscathed.
An emotional Victoria said: "Don't tell me the first year is the worst and after two years you'll be feeling like yourself again."
"I don't even know what 'myself' is any more. I don't have a 'me'."
The tragedy struck as the family returned the boat to its mooring after a fun-filled afternoon.
Victoria said Nick who was managing director of Sky's advertising sales division Sky Media, removed the engine's kill cord from his ankle to go to the toilet and she took control.
She said she was going "very slowly' when he returned and said he wanted to go around again then grabbed the wheel with his right hand and accelerated with his left.
Victoria said it was like doing a "wheelie" and the boat skidded before it "bashes down" and they fly out.
Water sports instructor, Charlie Toogood, saw what had happened and jumped into his own boat with a colleague to try to save the family before jumping on the seeding boat and kill the engine.
Victoria said when the boat stopped it was like a "a silent movie" then she heard Amber screaming "Daddy's dead. Daddy's dead."
Victoria was helicoptered to Derriford Hospital, in Plymouth where a policeman arrived to tell her that Nick and Emily had not survived.
"It didn't sink in," she said. "That took a year really, although I remember being wheeled in and saying to my surgeon, 'Please, please can you save my leg? I've lost my husband, I've lost my daughter. I need to be strong for my other children." The surgeon was almost crying.
Speaking from her home in Wandsworth, South-West London, Victoria said she tries to live each day as is comes and is training for a 10 km run wearing a prosthetic leg, for Child Bereavement UK.
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